Another sleepless night, no desire to get out of the bed and get breakfast made before I had to be out the door to get my daughters to school, get myself to school and then to work after class. This had been the story of my life for the last 6 months, it was like Groundhog Day or being on a hamster wheel that I just couldn’t get off of.
I knew something was wrong and I knew I didn’t want this to be life forever but I had no desire to put forth the effort for change and I didn’t even know where to begin if I did. I was battling with depression and didn’t know how to cope with everything in my life. Rewind to six months prior: I was in college, working a full time job, balancing home, school, and work life pretty successfully I thought. But on October 21, 2003 things changed drastically. I lost my significant other in a tragic event, and was now a 21 year old single parent trying to figure out how to do life, manage time and keep it all together. The truth is I couldn’t. Everything that made sense before, was now foreign and a challenge to figure out.
Fast forward six months to where I’m still trying to get off of this hamster wheel. I was sad all the time, I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, I lost a lot of weight and was down to 102 pounds. When I didn’t have to be in class, at work or being mommy to my daughters I spent most nights just crying. I needed something and that something ultimately was Jesus!
See God wants to help us as His daughters to live free from depression. He wants to fill us with His joy, hope and expectation of good things for our lives. Trust me if you are battling with depression right now, it’s not an overnight process. It took a lot of prayer, time, effort, energy and vulnerability to get to a place of freedom, joy and peace. But I had to take the first step and make a decision. I know as Christians we shy away from the subject or even the idea of depression. We sometimes forget our sisters in Christ are human just like us. Created by God with feelings and emotions and deal with a plethora of challenges at times in life.
Depression is real and God desires you as his daughter to be whole: that’s all 3 parts that make you up: your body, spirit and soul. Greater is He that is in you, then he that is in the world (1John 4:4) The Great One is inside of you and that is the difference between you and the world. You have a relationship with the One that can heal and restore you. Now I understand that you might not feel like it today and that’s okay… But just know when you are ready to make the decision, God will be there to see you through and help you pick up the pieces and reclaim your purpose.
You are God’s beloved daughter. You were created with dignity and strength. You are beautiful , fierce and special. You have purpose, influence and a future. You are an overcomer and depression does not have to rule your life. NO MATTER what you are going through, God is always willing and ready to help you get through. He will take your pain and turn it into something great.
You are not alone girlfriend and if you are experiencing depression or feel you may be then I encourage you to reach out to a counselor, therapist or social worker. If that seems intimidating then reach out and talk with a friend, pastor or family member you can be honest and vulnerable with.
I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9b-10) Remember you are not alone and you are loved. 💋